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Ms.Boots

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My Good Friends,

Fran says that you have all been asking about my where abouts. Well I am still about just very stealthy. If you need me or anything from me just email, and I will give you all the expertise I have. My absence is due to the fact that I am continuing my education. I am taking 9 hours that is really kicking my tail. Calculus and late nights are taking there toll. But, I am enjoying being back in College. I miss all of you very much, and wish I was playing in the room with the rest of you. The Fun Newsletter is keeping me abreast of all the new happenings. I hope to be back soon. You are all in my prayers, and I need all I can get right now also. Prayers and a good Calculus tutor. hehehehe!!!

Joe aka Lazer

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Oh Kandee, I loved these! Thanks much!

An old man went into the Social Security Office and filled out an application. He was too old to have a birth certificate, so he was asked to prove his age. He opened his shirt and showed them the gray hair on his chest. They accepted that as proof, and give him his first check. He went home to his wife, showed her the check, and explained to her what had happened.

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"Oreo Cookies Psycho-Personality Test"

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.

Put your answers down NOW, then check below:
Your Personality:
1. The whole thing: This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreo's this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical. You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit

4. Feverous Nibbles. Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental break downs and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked. Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity .

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie. You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie. You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. you are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies. You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you.

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This is very typical of some men, but I know there are some very kind, loving guys out there! (I Hope! lol)

Subj.: JUST LIKE A MAN!
from Janis Walker

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?", she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck."

Submitted by Janis Walker

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Get ready to laugh with more from Cuddlybear

"The Hungry Fly"

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate.

Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the ground. Dead.

The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of s**t.

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While browsing through some dust-covered archival material in the recesses of the Roman Section of the British Museum a researcher recently came across a tattered bit of parchment. After some effort he translated it and found it was a letter from a man called Plutonius with the title of "magister factorium", or keeper of the calendar, to one Cassias. It was dated, strangely enough, 2 BC, December 3, or 2,000 years ago today.

The text of the message follows:
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Dear Cassias,

Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? The change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at the last minute.

I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus had turned nasty. We called in the consulting
astrologers, but they simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work. As usual the consultants charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.

As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hour glass flowing upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition.

We're continuing to work on the Y zero K problem and I'll send you a parchment if anything develops.

Best regards,
Plutonius

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Perfect Marriage

Adam & Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about how well his Mother cooked.

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.

Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!" The men both continue drinking.

Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"St. Mary's," replied the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

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