Can you believe the response we have had? We have a lot of talent out there, keep it coming!

Ms. Boots

* * * * * * * * * *

Sparky says hello to all :-) He should be settled into his new state of Kansas and home within a few weeks.

Chumly is living the life of riley on his trip. I can't wait to hear all about his trip.

* * * * * * * * * *

From: Sir_G
Genie and the Woman Golfer

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball - don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you - I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -
I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem - it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." (And neither did the wife.) The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.
"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing..."

* * * * * * * * * *

Chelsea will have you rolling on the floor with these:

A short history of medicine:

I have an ear ache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
********************

What do a tornado, a hurricane and a redneck divorce have in common?
In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.
********************

Here's one from the Emergency nurses association:
Be an organ donor...... Unbuckle
********************

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off"
********************

A man & wife entered a dentist's office. The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says
"Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
********************

The difference between bathing suits now and then are that the bathing suits from the past required that you open the suit to see the butt.
The bathing suits of today require that you open the butt to see the suit.
********************

* What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds

* What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About 45 minutes
********************

Yesterday, scientists at Johns Hopkins revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 cans of beer and observed that 100% of them started jabbering instantly and couldn't drive.

* * * * * * * * * *

I wonder where Cuddlybear got this. Boy it seemed to fit me! (and no, I won't tell which one it is!)

Subject: Southern Horoscope

It has become pretty obvious to Southerners that the present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When driving around you might see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose you'll even see a ram. Up the street there could be some twins. The rest of these things are just too obscure for most Southerners. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no dang water bearers. Virgins? 'nuff said.

SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.

SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTHDATE!

***OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

***CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

***BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

***MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

***POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

***CRAWFISH (May 22 - Jun 21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

***COLLARDS (Jun 22 - Jul 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

***CATFISH (Jul 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

***GRITS (Aug 24 - Sep 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

***BOILED PEANUTS (Sep 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that
people will always pull over and stop for you.

***BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

***ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another mating possibility.

#Comic_Chat_Phoenix_Help